Thursday, August 18, 2005
Battle of the Network Reality Stars
Somebody please make them stop.
Will somebody sit these reality TV "stars" down and tell them that for the VAST majority of them their showbiz "careers" began and ended with whichever reality TV show they were on?
It was kind of cute at first to watch these folks try to parlay a stint on Survivor, Big Brother, The Real World, Temptation Island, etc., etc. into a real Hollywood career but as their number continues to grow it's not so cute anymore and the straws they're grasping at...like this retread of the Battle of the Network Stars series of specials from the 70's (featuring TV stars...real honest-to-goodness actors!... of the time) which had a certain cheeseball charm to them (watching Welcome Back, Kotter's Gabe Kaplan needle The Wild, Wild West's ever-petulant Robert Conrad into sputtering fits of rage was worth the time spent watching in and of itself)...are increasingly flimsy.
Look, I really like some of "reality" TV...but only for what it is (that being wholly contrived exercises full of what David Letterman would call "stupid human tricks".)
And I even have a certain amount of fondness for some of the people participating in Bravo's Battle of the Network Reality Stars (Charla, Chip, and Kim from Amazing Race, Ryan from American Idol, and the charmingly gonzo "Dr. Will" from Big Brother, for example)...but, that said, I really had no need to see any of them participating in faux athletic events.
(And to be sure I never needed to see most of these desperate would-be celebrities in ANY context ever again...and yes I'm looking at you Richard Hatch, Omarosa, "Bachelor Bob", Amazing Race blowhard Jonathan and his spousal-abuse-victim-to-be Victoria, the ever-charming Sue Hawk, the conniving Project Runway designer Wendy Pepper, and "Joe Millionaire".)
Of course it could be worse I suppose. The folks over on E!'s Kill Reality are making a real "we're-gonna-put-it-in-the-multiplexes-(or-failing-that-on-DVD)" movie...a horror movie (insert your own joke here)...with another group of reality TV "stars" (including "Johnny Fairplay", Ethan, and one of the many Jennas from Survivor as well as, again, "Bachelor Bob" Guiney as a crazed slasher.)
*Sigh* I guess it's too late to make them stop...the celebrity bug has bit them and they're not going to stop until they make it to the top! Or at least to the bottom of the middle...